dawns always mean something significant when God allows me to see them. tomorrow i am planning on waking up at 6am so i have 9 whole hours to work on my presentation in the afternoon (always so ideal). so i'll probably look out my window which faces the sea to the east of hong kong after hearing my alarm ring tomorrow morning and the first thing i see will be a beautiful new day unrolling itself over the horizon of lei yu mun. i love my bedroom view.
i remember in late august, when two very important people in my life left for college, i couldn't sleep well and was an insomniac for 3 nights and saw 3 dawns in a roll, and at the third dawn i heard God whisper, "it is finished". then about a month later i had dinner with Christine, morphed and went crazy. a couple weeks after i transformed, i couldn't sleep and was troubled. i remember God spoke to me that night in a bizarre way (couldn't remember what He said) but what i remembered was that when the dawn came which lit up the sky and turned it from black to fiery orange , a supernatural sense of overwhelming surreal peace came with it and i was able to fall fast asleep. and that peace has never left my life ever since. this was about a week after we first led at 180 and right when some friends of mine started transforming as well.
when God has me stay up all through the night and shows me the dawn, it always feels so special, like i'm a part of something very very deep and something very very big and important in His heart - i am a part of how He feels. do you know that your every move, action, decision and thought affects how He feels? this is truth which is found in the Song of Songs. we are called to study not just the works of God or the hands and face of God, we are called to know His heart - to study and dive deep into His emotions. deep, deep, deep.
to me, the stars reflect His emotions for me. He speaks to us all in unique ways. the reason why i love romanticism poetry (this is an era not a style) is because nature speaks to me so much of God's love. and it is absolutely interesting and bizarre to read poetry by famous atheist poets who can not seem to deny that through the beauty of this world, there is a Love out there which beckons us. God - the author of romance. No one compares to Him, he is super gings.....
i re-opened this space because i really need to write more and this is a motivation for me. sometimes emotions and memories and feelings are all pent up inside and these days there's a desire to express it in the most beautiful way i can ;P through words and paints and songs i guess. i used to spend quite a lot of time writing (non-academically) every single day and i haven't written anything decent in a long time... words are magic. words mean magic to me! that's why i'm studying writing. words are powerful. magic is powerful. also, it seems cool to have a private blog where only a handful of close friends and family can read, doesn't it?
i used to sit on my windowsill looking up at the sky a LOT before i sleep - like 30 minutes, meditating on how my Jesus is screaming of His love through those tiny sparkly diamonds in the sky so high above us. again, so so beautiful. not anymore though because now, stars kind of remind me of some bad memories :(
(hee.. i love it how nowadays when i'm sad - which is in itself quite a distant concept - i'm still quite happy)
just a sidenote, i really love you all :)
there are a handful of you who can read this! are you feeling very special now? hee hee hee... <3
