March 12, 2010

blessed

I never really grew up with siblings. I grew up with my neighbor who was two years younger than me, and we really practically lived together; but it was different. When people asked me if I wanted siblings growing up, I never really imagined what it would be like so I told them that I enjoyed being with myself. Also because of this, my relationship with my parents from when I was young, throughout the rebellious years, till today, is a very deep relationship. They treat me as friends, I treat them as friends. We know that they were called to serve me by being my parents, and I was called to serve them by being their daughter. We functioned as a family, always.

Over the past year and a half, as God aligns His children and our relationships become "family-like", I was blessed with true younger brothers, true younger sisters, true older sisters, and true older brothers. So many of them. I am blessed with the opportunity to comfort, guide, walk alongside, love, and receive love. It is almost like now that I have so many siblings, I realize what I've been missing out on all along. So, by God's grace, my heart was full before I had siblings, and my heart is even fuller now that I have siblings. It's amazing.

I have always wanted an older brother, I am happy because they pay for you ;P

March 4, 2010

a muddy dirt road out to the wilderness

















So many people are called onto this road.
So few people take it.
Even few people stay on it until He is done.



We pray prayers of glory, revival, signs and wonders, open heaven... It is all glorious. How many will pray a prayer of welcoming His refining fire? How many will willingly stay in the furnace? How many will see these momentary light afflictions as greater glory in the age to come? Indeed, the glory inside of us is incomparable to what the eye can see. It takes submission to walk on the narrow road. It takes so much more submission to stay on it.

Some say that in the different myriads of paths and choices we encounter in life, God allows us to choose, He respects and blesses our free will.

Yes, my dear brother, my dear sister; my dear father, and my dear mother. He respects your free will. He blesses you because you are His child. But do you know, sometimes, how much our choices, our reactions, our responses... how much they pain His lovesick heart? He waits... and waits... and waits... for one man, one woman, one family, one body of believers, one generation - who will not seek to be blessed, but will seek to bless His heart.

Your eyes search to and fro across the face of this earth, across the different generations that come and go like a whiff of wind, across people of different language and tribe and culture, across the rugged brittle path of human time. You search for one person who is after Your own heart.

And the path to Your heart leads us to the mountain tops, to the prairie plains... and always, through the wilderness. Of going low, of learning submission, of embracing humility. Of dying to self until we cannot hold back our smiles of true joy and freedom as we pick up and carry on our bare backs the heavy cross of Jesus Christ.

Oh, how beautiful is this path, Lord. This path that You have also taken with Your own bare feet, in a feeble human form, and which You continue to walk on, with me.

March 3, 2010

I stroll out of the exit and into the midday sun. Busy streets; busy sounds. Two beggars scream for my attention and my hands search my pocket for coins. I walk towards where I'm headed, always in a rush. People bump into people and utter no less than a swear word under their breath. Never any smiles. Blue, grey, silver, concrete. Traffic; smells of exhaust gas and of exhaustion. Pressure and real estate prices. Suits and heels, shiny black leather.

City life.

March 1, 2010







Yes, I do have an attic of memory.
Hidden treasures.
Joyful and regrettable.
Secretly blissful...
And secretly lamentable.
All labelled "No trespass".


... only Him.